


I Need You Alive

by Shiverslightly



Series: I Need You Whole [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BOM Keith, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Boys In Love, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Langst, M/M, POV Lance (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 04, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 00:23:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12445254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiverslightly/pseuds/Shiverslightly
Summary: Warning: Season 4 spoilersAfter leaving Voltron for the Blade of Marmora Keith was finally back on the Castle of Lions and his boyfriend Lance was aching to get his hands on him. With Allura and Prince Lotor in negotiations maybe Keith would stay this time, maybe they could be together again. But after Lance learns Keith almost sacrificed himself to save everyone can things ever be the same between them?





	I Need You Alive

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to read [I Need You Whole](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11854215/chapters/26763477) to understand what's happening. But of course I'd love it if you read both ;)

Lance was exhausted. The strain of their fight and narrow escape from Naxzela weighed heavy on him as he dragged himself through the castle. They had only just made it and been saved by Prince fucking Lotor, of all people. Who was now on their ship and negotiating with Allura. Lance didn't like it, didn't trust him. Especially knowing that Keith was in that room acting as a representative for the Blade of Marmora. 

His body ached for Keith as much as it did from the day's events. He’d missed his boyfriend more than he could've imagined. The absence of him leaving a hole in Lance’s very core. He hadn't even realized how much of a permanent fixture Keith had become in his life until he was gone. But now he was here and Lance could feel the pull towards him, like a physical string connecting them, drawing them together. The thought of holding Keith in his arms once more pushed him onwards through the castle, hoping to find the dark haired man who'd become such a large part of him.

As he passed the lounge he noticed Pidge typing furiously at their holoscreen, an intent and frenzied expression on their face.

“Hey Pidge, everything okay?”

Their eyes shot up to his and they froze, looking a little panicked. “Lance! Hey - yeah, everything’s…” they bit their lip in hesitation. “Have you talked to Keith?”

Lance flushed as a memory of Keith, mouth on him and waves of pleasure taking him apart in the very spot Pidge sat, flashed through his mind. He shook his head to clear it. “No. I haven’t seen him since they started interrogating Prince Lotor. Why?”

They hesitated a moment longer, still chewing on their bottom lip.

“Pidge, what’s going on?” Sexy thoughts of Keith were quickly being replaced with worry.

“I talked to Matt about the mission and he said-” they swallowed. “He said that before Lotor showed up, Keith was going to crash his fighter into the shield of the Galra cruiser.”

“What? Why?” He could feel the colour drain from his face as horror settled into the pit of his stomach.

“To take it down. Their guns weren’t working and Keith just started flying at it.”

His mouth was dry, his mind absolutely blank. There was just no way.

“I’m trying to hack into the surveillance system of his ship to see for myself.”

Lance was beside Pidge and gripping their arm fiercely before he was even aware of it. “Do it,” he hissed.

They turned back to their work, fingers flying over the screen and typing in complicated code. Lance held his breath while they worked. _It had to be a mistake, Matt must have misunderstood._ He ignored the nauseous feeling in his gut that told him this was exactly the sort of thing Keith would do.

In no time at all an image of Keith in the cockpit of a ship flashed up on the screen. Lance widened his eyes to take it all in.

_Matt’s face is on Keith's holoscreen, “we’ll never penetrate those shields!”_

_Keith’s staring ahead of him, his eyes narrowed in determination. “Maybe not with our weapons.”_

_Then he’s gripping the controls hard and careening towards the Galra cruiser, ignoring Matt’s yells. He stares ahead with resolve, squeezing his eyes shut just before he collides with the shield. Then a flash of red and yellow lights up the cockpit and he’s opening his eyes and pulling up before he flies straight into the explosion in front of him._

Lance could feel his heart in his throat, the nausea rolling through him in waves. _He was really going to do it. He’d been so determined, he’d barely even hesitated._ His eyes stung.

“Oh my god.”

Pidge put a hand on his forearm, silently comforting him while their own mind seemed to be in the same shock. They sat there, neither one speaking. Lance dug his nails into his legs, trying to get his breathing under control.

“Lance you’ll-” Pidge cleared their throat. “You’ll talk to Keith, right?”

He turned to them numbly, words barely audible. “Yeah.”

Then he was up and moving, walking through the hallways of the castle on autopilot. His only thought that he needed to find Keith. _Now._ He headed in the direction of the interrogation room, breath catching in his throat as he saw Keith exit the room while he approached.

He stopped short, the sight of his boyfriend still in his Marmora suit, face tired and weary, freezing him in his tracks. The image of Keith’s face as he flew towards death flashed behind his eyes. He thought he’d be relieved to see him, that he’d throw his arms around him and kiss him breathless, thankful to have Keith still with him. But instead he hesitated, an emotion that had his chest tightening and words dying in his throat taking hold.

Keith looked up and froze as well, smile stalling as he read Lance’s body language. He looked exhausted. As tired as Lance had felt before he’d watched his most important person almost cease to exist.

“Lance?”

Lance swallowed at the lump in his throat. “Is it over?”

“They’re taking a break for the night.” Keith eyed him cautiously.

“He’s staying here?”

“Yes and I don’t like it.”

“Are you leaving?”

“Not while Lotor’s on board.”

It stung. The fact that Lotor’s presence was what kept Keith here, not Lance’s. Lance began to wonder if maybe he’d misread Keith’s feelings. Maybe the time apart had encouraged Keith to pull away.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” The question was hesitant, like he really didn’t know what the answer would be.

Keith tilted his head in confusion. “Yeah, of course.”

“Ok,” Lance mumbled quietly and automatically began to reach his hand out for Keith before he quickly drew it back. The air was so tense between them, Lance was suddenly sure he’d erupt if they touched. 

Instead he turned towards the bedrooms, waiting for Keith to come up beside him. They walked silently together, neither one with the courage to look at the other. When they got to his room he opened the door, motioning for Keith to enter first. He watched as Keith began to remove his armor, moving about the room like nothing had happened. As if it wasn't a fucking miracle he was standing there now. Lance could hardly reconcile the man in front of him with the one he’d seen on the holoscreen, the one who'd been so willing to lay down his life.

“I know what you almost did today.” It’s a whisper, a barely escaped thought.

Keith looked up at him, movements stilled. His eyes narrowed on Lance, scrutinizing whatever expression he must have been wearing. 

“And?”

It was a challenge, Keith's hostility barely hidden. Daring Lance to question his actions.

“And? Is that all you have to say to me?” His rage rose with the volume of his voice.

“What do you want me to say Lance?”

“Fuck, I don't know. Maybe ‘hey babe sorry I almost killed myself’!”

Keith flinched at his words but his gaze remained hard. “It was the only way.”

“Except it wasn't.”

“How was I supposed to know Lotor would show up? In what reality would I have ever guessed that?”

They were shouting at each other now, faces flushed and chests heaving. The air between them practically radiating heat waves from their combined anger.

“You always do this Keith! Rush head first into trouble without thinking. You're not fucking indestructible.”

“I know that, Lance. I wasn't expecting to make it back!”

The words are like a slap across his face. “How could you do that to me?”

“I was trying to save you, you idiot! Why are you so pissed off?”

“Because I love you Keith!” 

They both staggered away from each other as Lance’s confession fell between them. Lance sucked in a breath as his hands gripped into his own hair. He hadn't told Keith he loved him before now. The feeling was there, had been for a long time, but they had yet to acknowledge it. He hadn't said it when Keith left to join the Blade, thinking that it would've felt like saying goodbye, or that he was trying to guilt Keith into staying. And Keith hadn't said it either. Lance doubted now that he ever would. He'd been ready to die without saying anything at all.

He buried his face in his hands and sat down on the bed, his anger draining out as quick as it had come. “You didn't say goodbye. You didn't say anything,” he whispered into his hands.

Keith sat beside him, his rage also spent. “Would it have helped? Would it have been any better?”

Lance scraped his nails across his scalp, shoulders shaking as he suppressed the urge to sob. “I don't know.”

Keith remained still, as if worried the slightest movement would break their fragile reprieve. After a moment he broke the silence, voice soft. 

“It was all I could do, Lance. Naxzela was going to explode and everyone was going to die. _You_ were going to die… I - I couldn't let that happen.”

He turned to look at Lance, tentatively grabbing a wrist to pull Lance’s hand from his face, forcing eye contact. “You would have done it too.”

Lance had no response to that. As angry and terrified as he was he knew that if there had been no other way he would have done the same. To save thousands of lives, to save his friends, to save _Keith._ But it was easier not having to deal with the consequences. It was the ones left behind that truly suffered.

“And how would you have felt?” He asked Keith with pleading eyes, silently begging his boyfriend to understand.

Keith dropped his gaze, shoulders sagging. He moved his grip on Lance’s wrist to entwine their fingers and squeezed his hand tightly but said nothing. They stayed that way, neither speaking, lost in their own thoughts. Lance could feel the air, thick with pain and sorrow, weighing them down. This wasn't how he wanted their reunion to go. He told himself that Keith was here. That at the end of the day he was here and _alive_ and that was what really mattered.

He sighed and turned to Keith, wrapping his long arms around his shoulders and squeezing their upper halves tight together. He felt the air rush out of Keith’s lungs and cold, shaking hands grasp tightly into the back of his shirt. Keith buried his face in Lance’s neck prompting Lance to press his lips into dark hair, arms pulling firm as if he could pull Keith into himself to keep him safe.

“I'm just... glad you're ok.” It was a lame statement, not even covering a quarter of the breadth of emotions he felt. Warm lips gently swept over his neck.

“Same.”

Weariness seeped through Lance’s body and he pulled Keith down to lie on the bed. They shifted until he was comfortably facing Keith, forearm tight along his spine, hand gripping into his hair. Keith kept his face and body pressed against Lance, placing a few light kisses along his collarbone until exhaustion quickly pulled both boys under.

\--------

 _Keith is pulling his galra ship away from the rebels, making a beeline for the cruiser in front of him. It's shield still very much intact around the weapon that’s going to kill everyone nearby. Lance is beside Keith, eyes wide with terror when he realizes what’s happening. He can hear Matt yelling Keith's name over the comm system and he tries to do the same but he can't speak, can't even move. Keith's face is set, his lips pressed thin with finality. Lance thrashes inside himself, desperate to speak, to touch, to do anything but sit paralyzed as his world falls apart in front of him. The shield’s getting closer, he watches as Keith closes his eyes just before impact._ Stop! Don't do this! Don't leave me!

\--------

Lance awoke with a start, panicked heart beating wildly and stomach roiling. He leaned over the side of his bed as dry heaves wracked his sweat drenched body. He gasped for air, shaking violently and fighting the burning sting behind his eyes.

“Lance?” A quiet voice spoke from behind him. A soft familiar hand touched his back.

With a start Lance turned towards… “Keith! Oh my god Keith,” he croaked when he saw the beautiful man beside him, eyes wide and full of concern. He threw himself against Keith, hands clutching him tight, fingers digging into his flesh. _He’s here, he's alive, he's really here._

“Keith,” he said again and sobbed when he tried to take a breath. Hot tears poured down his face, his heart squeezed painfully tight and his lungs burned.

“Lance?” Keith tried to pull back but he wouldn't let go.

“Keith,” he repeated again like a mantra while his body trembled as if in shock. “Don't - I can't - I need you.”

“I'm here.” Hands smoothed down his hair, down his back. “I'm here.”

In the darkness of the room Lance tried to gain control, to calm down but it wasn't working. Maybe he really was in shock.

“I almost lost you,” he whispered into Keith's neck, tears dropping like rain into black hair.

Keith's hands tightened around him as he pulled his head back to look into Lance’s eyes. “I'm sorry Lance.” His large dark violet eyes were shining with unshed tears. “I'm so sorry.”

A warmth spread through Lance’s cold and shivering body with Keith's apology. Finally he was realizing his decisions affected Lance, finally he was acknowledging his pain. Keith closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Lance’s.

Lance tangled his hands in Keith's hair. “I can't do this without you.”

“I'm sorry,” Keith whispered, voice breaking.

Unable to stand the emotional distance between them any longer, Lance leaned in and pressed his lips to Keith, soft as the whispers spoken between them. A pained sound left Keith's throat and he pushed harder into Lance, tilting his head for a better fit and raising his hands to cup both sides of Lance’s face.

They kissed tenderly and wildly all at the same time, trying to memorize each other's lips with their own. Lance ached with desperate need for his boyfriend, for his warm skin and strong body. Still fully clothed, his hands moved quickly as he pulled off what was left of Keith's Marmora suit, hands rubbing reverently over the bare skin left in its wake. Keith arched into the contact, shivering under warm hands. He pulled his lips from Lance and kissed down the side of his neck, rucking his shirt up to kiss against Lance’s powerfully beating heart. Keith's hands were at Lance’s belt moving quickly to remove his pants and boxers and Lance sat up to assist, meeting Keith's lips as soon as they came towards him again.

He clutched onto the sides of Keith's face when Keith settled into his lap, legs straddling his hips. Keith’s calloused hands were everywhere, mapping Lance’s body beneath his fingertips, making him tremble for a whole new reason. Lance gasped into Keith’s mouth when he leaned back slightly and ground down onto his lap, a low sigh leaving his lips.

“Lance,” Keith moaned, grinding harder when he felt Lance begin to harden. “Please touch me.”

But Lance’s hands remained frozen in Keith's hair, tugging their lips tight against each other, leaving them both breathless and dizzy. He couldn’t let go, couldn’t bear to part from the mouth he’d almost lost. Keith continued to move in slow, tantalizing circles in Lance’s lap whining when Lance’s hands still didn't move. He slid a hand between them to brush along Lance’s cock, now painfully hard.

“Ah...Keith.” Lance bucked up into the touch.

“Please Lance… I need you.”

Lance moved to kiss along Keith's jawline, sucking small marks under his ear, down his neck, towards his pulse point. Keith was whining and writhing in his lap, clutching at his shoulders in desperation. Driven crazy by Lance’s slow and careful attention, Keith lunged towards the bedside table, sighing in relief when he found the small bottle of lube.

Lance shifted on the bed so he could lean comfortably against the wall with Keith still in his lap. His body burned with the need to be close to Keith. To never let this man go. Keith was soon sliding his fingers inside himself and gasping at the sting. The shiver that ran through his body transferring to Lance who moaned at the sight. He ran his hands down Keith’s body, settling a hand on his hip, the other gripping the forearm of the hand Keith currently had inside himself.

Tiny whimpers escaped Keith's lips and Lance lapped at them hungrily, biting softly on Keith's lower lip, eliciting a filthy moan. Lance reached to lube his own finger, sliding it teasingly over Keith's perfectly shaped ass before moving to his entrance. Shakily Keith breathed Lance’s name and pushed back against his palm, his own fingers still working himself open. Slowly Lance slid his finger in to join Keith’s causing the dark haired boy to throw his head back with a soft, “fuck.”

Lance groaned into Keith’s neck, their fingers working in tandem. “Fuck Keith… I missed this.”

“Me too… missed you… need you.”

Unable to wait a moment longer Keith removed his fingers, grabbing onto Lance and quickly lubing him up. With an adorable breathy grunt he lowered onto Lance, eyes popping open as his mouth shaped a perfect ‘o’ of pleasure. Lance hissed at the sudden heat squeezing around him, nipping at Keith’s neck. It was so tight, so warm, so familiar. They shuddered into each other.

“Oh my god… Keith.” His hands gripped hard into Keith’s hipbones, trying to rock them back, urging him to move. 

Slowly, so slowly, Keith began to circle his hips, movements barely there. Lance groaned as he felt himself rubbing gently inside, closing his eyes at the rush of sensation. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to have Keith like this. His pale skin, shining with the soft lights of the castle walls, sliding against his own. His light breath ghosting over his face with small gasps and grunts he had to strain to hear. The feeling of how perfectly they fit together, not just physically. Lance was losing himself in the moment that almost hadn’t happened. He opened his eyes to see Keith’s violet ones staring back at him. Large and open and _so fucking beautiful_ it took his breath away. He reached a hand to cup the back of Keith’s neck, rubbing a thumb along his jawline.

“I love you, Keith.”

Keith’s eyes widened. He brought his hands up to Lance’s face, fingers touching his lips, stroking through his hair, as his eyes searched Lance’s face. Neither one noticed Keith had stopping moving as they stared into eachothers eyes.

“Lance, I…” Keith’s voice was shaking. “I love you too.”

Lance felt his heart soar, pulsing so brilliantly at Keith’s words he was sure it would burst right out of his chest. “Yeah?”

Keith leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against his lips. “Yeah.” Then a smile grew, bright and honest, across his face.

Lance lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Keith and crushing their lips together. His sudden eagerness forcing a laugh from Keith that soon turned to a wanton groan as the movement caused Keith’s hips to shift, Lance still deep inside him.

“Fuck,” Lance gasped, moving his hands to grab at Keith’s ass and rub it against him. Keith shook and clutched onto Lance’s shoulders, using the leverage to push himself up and drop in his lap. Stars danced across Lance’s vision.

Keith began to move in earnest, both boys pushed to passion from the emotions of the day. They were alive, they were together, their need for each other demanding release. Sweat rolled down Lance’s chest, dark bangs tickled his face, the heat in his gut swirled and grew. They panted into each other’s mouths, lips brushing and moans escaping in increasing volume and frequency. The swivel of Keith’s hips had Lance on edge embarrassingly quick but he didn’t care, he loved this man and would always rise to him like this. Keith was trembling above him, eyes glazed and head rolling back. Squeezing his arms around Keith’s back he murmured against his skin, telling him how much he loved him, how much he needed him, how he’d never let him go.

“Ah… Lance,” Keith cried. “So close… p-please.”

Lance ran his tongue up Keith’s neck and reached a hand down to wrap around his length. He bucked his hips up, meeting Keith’s drops and pumping in time. The fire between them swelled and burned, feeding off their lust until Keith was shattering, crying out for Lance and shaking in his arms. Lance found himself tumbling after, the release coursing through his body as the fire consumed them both. Limbs burning and heart racing, he gasped for air against Keith’s body. He would never find anything better than this. There was no greater feeling than being pressed against the man he loved, worshipping his body and driving him to ecstasy. They remained clutching at each other as they came down, neither willing to move apart.

“Oh god Lance,” Keith whispered, moving in for a deep kiss. Lance gathered in his warmth and familiar taste, committing it memory. His heart had never felt so full of love and adoration and the fact that this man _loved_ him back left him in awe. He pulled back to stare into purple eyes, to see the love between them so real it was almost tangible. He needed to hear it again.

“So,” he said in a low voice. “You love me?”

Keith snorted but the light pink across his cheeks didn't go unnoticed. He hesitated for just a second before looking down at Lance through long dark eyelashes and quietly murmuring, “you know I do.” He leaned his face into Lance’s neck, giving him a soft kiss.

“I love you Lance,” he whispered into his collarbone.

“I love you too.”

Lance squeezed him tight, never wanting to let go. He thought about the future and where Keith would end up. Would he come back to Voltron or stay with the Blade of Marmora? He hoped Keith would come back but knew he could never force him to choose. Keith needed to find his own place and Lance could only stay supportive and hope Keith knew that he would always be there.

“Will you promise me something?”

Keith pulled back from tracing lazy circles along Lance’s spine to look at him, expression open. “I’ll promise anything I can.”

“Just… stay safe, when I'm not there.” Lance bit his lip, not sure how to continue. “And remember that you're not alone anymore. You have a family, who cares about you. You have me now.”

He watched as Keith’s face softened, eyes glistening just slightly in the corners. “I will,” he whispered again. “Thank you.”

They leaned in to kiss once more, slow and tender at first but it wasn't long before hands were roaming and lips were exploring once again. Impatient as always Keith gave a breathy groan and swivelled his hips in _just_ the right way.

“You ready for more?” Lance teased, biting Keith's lip and already rising to the occasion.

Keith smirked and looked at him, eyes dancing with mirth. “Show me what you’ve got ‘Loverboy Lance’.”

Lance smiled back, “Oh, you asked for it.”


End file.
